hi! this is the beginning of my journal i guess. i wanted to start this a while ago but im a slave to my own sluggish body, being so unmotivated to do anything. ever. sorry, didnt even introduce myself. its not like you should know me, anyways, haha. i think i'll call you cambell. or i mean.. name my journal that. i should be sleeping. ive dug this deep fucking hole for myself that i cant even fucking get out of. its like the shovel has been thrown on the surface, and i've been using my bare hands to dig underneath. getting even more stuck under. getting harder and harder to save myself. i cant do this anymore i say, yet shes still by my side. waiting until i get better. like a fucking dog. i dont get it. why doesn't she leave already? i like her. i guess i'll keep her. is that bad? am i bad person? im so sour, arent i, cambell? i just want him back. i cant lose her though. a part of me is holding onto her while i fucking melt, my thoughts slowly gnawing on my skin. every little thing is pissing me off. im not like this. why am i like this? this isn't the person she fell in love with. im filthy. i stink. i dont even have motivation to find my tin where i keep my friends that whisper sweet nothings to me. this would've happened either way. this would be the outcome anyway if he left. i just wonder if it'll be as rough. also wanted to take a shower today, but as always, my dad is taking one right now. its been 40 minutes, the shower is running, but he isnt even in the shower. i missed school today, my parents forced me so i could watch my little sister. it sucked. i was bummed. i needed to retake a test today. and i guess i have a test tomorrow for maths, ive been dozing off in that class; it won't be a surprise if i get handed the test and the equations and problems look like a foreign language to me. i guess thats all for right now. see you later, cambell. tomorrow (technically today) is another day.
im home alone again. dad works so i get the house to myself for a few hours until my mom comes home with my younger sisters. i waste my time alone to myself though, haha. a girl messaged me today, well right now, probably a few minutes ago actually. asking about my friends and why they dont hang out with me as much. its sad that she noticed, i didnt even think she thought about me. ill write her back